Lore Wilbert’s thoughts on singleness aligned so closely with my own that I felt I was reading about *my *personal journey through singleness. Not that singleness should be viewed as something to “get through”, but I know many people struggle with being single (I was one of those people) and I feel very passionate about changing not only how society views singleness, but how the church views it as well. Reading Sleeping Alone, encouraged me to continue to pursue avenues that allow me to speak into this space.
Below are some excerpts from her essays that I want to share my thoughts on as well:
“I have literally spent the best years of my life doing things that my younger married friends may never get to do.”
Of course this depends on if those same young married friends also have kids young. You can do a lot of the same adventurous and outgoing things whether you are single or married. However, your priorities do change once kids are in the picture. Being single had hard moments and it got harder the farther into my twenties I got, but I loved my twenties! I traveled to 7 countries in my twenties and I tried out a few career paths before landing in Insurance. Also, I helped plant a church and I got a masters degree! Could I have gotten married and done all of that? Sure. Would I have? Probably not. When you have more than just you and your own dreams, you do have to make sacrifices. So, I think Lore’s statement above really does have a lot of truth to it. There is nothing wrong with marrying young and it doesn’t mean your life will be any less adventurous, it just means your adventures will be different. For me, I look back and feel blessed to have had my twenties to be unattached and looking forward, I am stoked to embark on the adventure of marriage that will last for the rest of my life,
“We are all barren souls, empty wombs and carved out holes. We, all of us, long for something not yet here.”
So true. Whether it is a longing for marriage, children, a better job, a dream home, etc, we all experience seasons of waiting. The truth is that, for those of us who know this world is a placeholder for the glory that is to come, we will always have that best-is-yet-to-come feeling. The already, but not yet. There were generations of Christians before us that died still waiting for their savior to come back. And he will. In Gods timing, not ours.
“If the divorce rate is rising - or even plateaued, because even one divorce is too many in my opinion - shouldn’t we do more to prevent marriages of unequally yoked, immatute, or otherwise unwise individuals?”
Amen. Marriage is for life and too much of society treats it as any other relationship. Dating relationships and even engagements can be broken off with a conversation (hopefully there is a conversation), but marriage is both biblically and legally binding. Its a covenant to love each other until death. Of course, there are extreme circumstances (adultry, abuse) where separation and even divorce are not only justified but necessary. That’s it, though. This is how God views marriage. FOR LIFE. If this is how we should view marriage, then singles should be encouraged by those around them (and in the church especially) to pursue dating relationships that will result in healthy marriages. Not perfect or easy marriages because those don’t exist, but healthy, mature, committed, until death marriages.
“I actually agree strongly that singles should not be segregated off to thrmselves, but should surround themselves with marriages from every point along the way.”
I agree with this as well. Hanging out with people that are in your same life stage is fun and needed, but the people in our same life stage are who we will naturally seek out. The church body is for crossing those barriers. It is a family of people young and old, single and married. Its a body of believers of all different ethnic, cultural, theological and family backgrounds. Its a melting pot of personalities and enneagram numbers. At least, its supposed to be. Having a singles only ministry wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing, but I don’t think it is the best solution for helping singles find their place in the family of God. Married people need single people and single people need married people. Not because of their singleness or because they can impart marital wisdom, but because we are all whole people with opinions and talents and gifts and passions to bring to the table that are unique to us and that is true regardless of relationship status.
“All of life is sanctification and the God we serve only and ever gives the best in every season. He is not doing the least of anything in your life.”
Both marriage and singleness are sanctifying. Having now experienced both, I can say that with confidence. Singleness was hard in ways I felt people who married in their early twenties couldn’t understand. On the other hand, marriage has proven to be hard in ways I couldnt possibly have understood when I was single. There are hard things and good things about both stages of life. It is easy to envy the freedom of a single person and it is equally as easy to envy the intimacy that exists within a marriage. However, God has you exactly where you are meant to be today.